Counselling Articles and Resources

What to Expect From Your First Online Counselling Session

Starting counselling can feel like a big step. Even when part of you knows that you would like some support, it is completely understandable to feel nervous, uncertain or unsure about what to expect.

You may wonder what you are supposed to say, whether there will be uncomfortable silences or if you need to explain everything during the first session. You may also feel concerned about becoming emotional or worry that your problems are not serious enough for counselling.

There is no right or wrong way to begin. You do not need to arrive with everything figured out. We can simply start where you are.

Before Your Online Counselling Session

One of the benefits of online counselling is that you can attend from a place that feels familiar and comfortable.

Before the session, try to find somewhere private where you are unlikely to be interrupted. This might be a quiet room at home, a private office or another space where you feel able to speak openly.

It can also help to:

• Check that your device is charged

• Make sure your internet connection is working

• Use headphones if this helps you feel more private

• Have some water nearby

• Keep tissues within reach

• Silence notifications where possible

You do not need to create the perfect environment. The most important thing is finding a space where you feel reasonably safe, comfortable and able to focus on yourself for the duration of the session.

You Do Not Need to Know What to Say

Many people worry that they will not know how to begin. You may have several things on your mind, or you may simply know that something does not feel right.

Both are completely okay.

You will not be expected to tell your entire life story or explain everything clearly during the first session. Counselling is a process, and we can take time to understand what has been happening and what feels most important to you.

You might begin by talking about:

• What prompted you to seek counselling

• How you have been feeling recently

• Something that has become difficult or overwhelming

• What you would like support with

• Any concerns you have about starting counselling

If you are unsure, you can simply say that. Not knowing where to begin is itself a perfectly valid place to start.

What Happens at the Beginning of the Session?

At the beginning, we will take some time to settle in and talk through how counselling works.

I will explain important practical information, including confidentiality, the limited circumstances in which confidentiality may need to be broken, and what you can expect from our work together. You will also have an opportunity to ask questions.

The first session is not an interview or a test. There are no correct answers, and you do not need to prove that you need support.

It is an opportunity for us to begin getting to know one another. I may ask some gentle questions to help me understand what brings you to counselling, but we will work at a pace that feels manageable for you.

What Will We Talk About?

The session will be guided by what feels important to you.

You may wish to talk about something specific, such as anxiety, low mood, grief, loneliness, relationship difficulties, identity, work-related stress or feeling overwhelmed. You might also want to understand yourself more deeply or explore a general sense of feeling stuck.

Sometimes people begin counselling without a clear label for what they are experiencing. You may appear to be coping on the outside while feeling very different inside. You may feel tired, disconnected or unsure why everyday life has become so difficult.

You do not need to diagnose yourself or choose the right category before reaching out. We can explore your experiences together.

What If I Become Emotional?

It is natural for emotions to arise during counselling. You may feel sad, anxious, relieved, angry or unsure of what you are feeling.

There is no expectation that you should hold everything together, but there is also no pressure to discuss anything before you feel ready. You remain in control of what you share.

If something begins to feel overwhelming, we can slow down, pause or focus on helping you feel more grounded. Counselling should move at a pace that respects your needs and circumstances.

Some people become emotional during their first session, while others do not. Both experiences are completely normal.

What If There Are Silences?

Silence does not mean that the session is going badly.

Sometimes you may need a moment to think, notice what you are feeling or find the words for something that is difficult to express. You will not be expected to fill every silence.

I will remain present with you, and we can take the time you need. If silence feels uncomfortable, you can also say that, and we can explore it together without judgement.

What Is Online Counselling Like?

Online counselling can feel a little unfamiliar at first, particularly if you spend much of your day on video calls. However, many people find that being in their own space helps them feel more comfortable and able to speak openly.

Online sessions can also make counselling more accessible by removing travel time and allowing you to attend from anywhere in Ireland.

Although we are meeting through a screen, the focus remains on building a genuine, supportive therapeutic relationship. Counselling is not simply about the technology being used. It is about having a space where you feel heard, respected and accepted.

If you are neurodivergent, or think you may be, you are welcome to discuss anything that could make online sessions feel more accessible or comfortable for you. There is no expectation to mask, communicate in a particular way or have your thoughts perfectly organised.

What Happens at the End of the Session?

Towards the end, I will let you know that our time is coming to a close so that the session does not finish suddenly.

We may briefly reflect on what we have discussed and consider what feels important to carry forward. You do not need to leave every session with a solution or a clear plan. Sometimes being able to speak openly and begin making sense of your experiences is meaningful in itself.

Afterwards, you may feel relieved, thoughtful, tired or emotional. If possible, give yourself a little time before moving immediately into work, responsibilities or another demanding activity.

How Will I Know If the Counsellor Is Right for Me?

Choosing a counsellor is personal. Qualifications and experience are important, but it also matters whether you feel comfortable, respected and able to be yourself.

You do not need to decide everything during the first conversation. It can take time for trust to develop. However, you should feel that your counsellor listens to you, respects your identity and does not pressure you to move more quickly than feels right.

It is always okay to ask questions about a counsellor's approach, qualifications, professional membership or experience.

Taking the First Step

You do not need to be in crisis, have a clearly defined problem or know exactly what you want from counselling before getting in touch.

If something does not feel okay, or you feel that you would benefit from having a safe and confidential space to talk, you are welcome to reach out.

I offer a free 15-minute online consultation with no obligation. This gives you an opportunity to tell me a little about what brings you to counselling, ask any questions you may have and get a sense of how it feels to speak together.

We can simply begin where you are.

Request a Free Consultation

Jay Fitzsimons is a qualified, pre-accredited APCP counsellor offering inclusive, LGBTQ+ and neurodiversity-affirming online counselling to adults throughout Ireland.

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What Does LGBTQ+ Affirming Counselling Mean?

Reaching out for counselling can feel difficult, particularly if you are unsure whether your counsellor will understand or respect your identity.

You may have concerns about being judged, having to explain yourself, or encountering assumptions about your sexuality, gender or relationships. Perhaps you have had previous experiences where you did not feel fully seen or accepted.

LGBTQ+ affirming counselling offers a space where all parts of who you are are welcomed and respected.

More Than Simply Being Accepted

Affirming counselling is not just about a counsellor being accepting of LGBTQ+ people. It means actively creating a space where you can speak openly without feeling that you need to hide, minimise or defend any part of yourself.

Your sexuality or gender identity will never be treated as something that needs to be explained, corrected or changed. You do not need to educate me before we can begin talking about what brought you to counselling.

You are welcome to share as much or as little about your identity as feels comfortable. We will move at your pace.

You Decide What We Talk About

Being LGBTQ+ may be an important part of why you are seeking counselling, but it may have nothing to do with it.

You might want support with anxiety, grief, relationships, work, family difficulties, low self-esteem or feeling overwhelmed. Your identity will not automatically be treated as the cause of everything you are experiencing.

At other times, you may want to explore experiences connected with being LGBTQ+, such as:

• Coming out—or deciding whether you want to come out

• Questioning or exploring your sexuality or gender

• Family or relationship difficulties

• Rejection, discrimination or feeling unsafe

• Loneliness or difficulty finding a sense of belonging

• The effect of hiding parts of yourself

• Religious or cultural expectations

• Building confidence and self-acceptance

There is no correct way to identify, and you do not need to arrive with the right label or have everything worked out.

A Space Without Assumptions

LGBTQ+ affirming counselling means that I will not make assumptions about your identity, pronouns, relationships or the people who are important to you.

I will use the names and language that feel right for you. If you are still exploring what feels comfortable, that is completely okay too.

You will not be expected to fit into a particular idea of what it means to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or any other identity. Everyone's experience is different, and your understanding of yourself belongs to you.

If I make a mistake, you are welcome to correct me. My aim is to respond openly and respectfully rather than making you feel responsible for my feelings.

You Do Not Have to Hide Parts of Yourself

Many LGBTQ+ people become used to carefully deciding what is safe to share and with whom. You may find yourself changing how you speak, avoiding certain subjects or monitoring how others respond.

This can become exhausting, even when you have been doing it for so long that it feels automatic.

Counselling offers an opportunity to notice what it is like when you do not have to filter yourself. There is no expectation to appear confident, have all the answers or present a version of yourself that feels easier for other people to understand.

You can simply begin where you are.

What If You Are Questioning?

You do not need to be certain about your sexuality or gender before coming to counselling.

Questioning can bring many different feelings. You may feel curious, confused, relieved, frightened or a mixture of several emotions at once. You may also feel pressure to choose a label or make decisions before you are ready.

Counselling is not about directing you towards a particular identity or outcome. It provides a confidential space where you can explore your thoughts and feelings without being rushed.

There is no deadline for understanding yourself.

Your Safety and Privacy Matter

Confidentiality is an important part of counselling. At the beginning of our work together, I will explain clearly how your information is protected and the limited circumstances in which confidentiality may need to be broken.

You are in control of what you share. You will not be pressured to disclose your identity to anyone outside counselling or to take steps that do not feel safe or right for you.

Online counselling can also allow you to attend from a familiar space, wherever you are in Ireland. We can talk about anything that would help sessions feel safer and more accessible for you.

Finding the Right Counsellor

The relationship between you and your counsellor is an important part of therapy. You deserve to feel respected, listened to and able to be yourself.

It can take time to build trust, particularly if you have experienced judgment or rejection in the past. You do not need to share everything during your first session. We can begin gently and allow trust to develop naturally.

LGBTQ+ affirming counselling does not mean that I will understand your experience better than you do. You are the expert on your own life. My role is to listen, support you and work alongside you without judgment.

Taking the First Step

You do not need to be in crisis to seek support. You may know exactly what you want to talk about, or you may only know that something does not feel right.

Both are valid reasons to begin counselling.

I offer a free 15-minute online consultation, with no obligation to continue. This gives you an opportunity to ask questions, tell me a little about what you are looking for and decide whether working together feels right for you.

Request a Free Consultation

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What Is Neurodiversity-Affirming Counselling?

Starting counselling can feel uncertain, especially if you have previously felt misunderstood, judged or expected to communicate in a way that does not come naturally to you.

You may worry that your needs will be treated as difficult, that you will have to explain or defend how your mind works, or that counselling will focus on changing parts of you that are simply part of who you are.

Neurodiversity-affirming counselling offers a space where your way of thinking, communicating and experiencing the world is respected.

What Does Neurodiversity Mean?

Neurodiversity recognises that people's minds naturally work in different ways. There is no single correct way to think, learn, communicate, process information or experience the world.

The term neurodivergent may include autistic people, people with ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia or Tourette's, as well as people with other neurological differences. Some people have received a formal diagnosis, while others may be questioning or beginning to recognise neurodivergent traits in themselves.

You do not need a diagnosis to explore your experiences in counselling.

You Are Not a Problem to Be Fixed

Neurodiversity-affirming counselling does not view neurodivergence as something that needs to be corrected or cured.

This does not mean ignoring the difficulties you may experience. Sensory overload, executive functioning challenges, anxiety, burnout, rejection or the pressure to meet expectations designed around other people's needs can have a real effect on everyday life.

The aim is not to make you appear more neurotypical. Instead, we can work together to understand your experiences, recognise your needs and explore ways of making life feel more manageable.

Your strengths are also part of the picture. You are more than a list of difficulties or diagnostic traits.

You Do Not Need to Mask

Masking can involve hiding or suppressing natural behaviours in order to fit in, avoid judgment or make other people feel more comfortable.

You may have become used to forcing eye contact, carefully monitoring your expression, rehearsing conversations, hiding sensory discomfort or appearing calm when you are actually overwhelmed.

Over time, this can become exhausting. You may not always be aware that you are doing it.

In counselling, there is no expectation for you to mask. You do not have to maintain eye contact, sit completely still or express emotions in a particular way. You are welcome to move, fidget, look away, pause or take time to find the words you need.

Sessions Can Be Adapted to You

There is no single way that counselling has to look. We can talk about what helps you feel comfortable and what may make communication or concentration more difficult.

This might include:

• Having additional time to process a question

• Asking clear and direct questions

• Avoiding vague or overly abstract language

• Allowing silence without pressure to fill it

• Using written notes to help organise your thoughts

• Taking a short pause if you become overwhelmed

• Discussing sensory needs or distractions

• Agreeing on a clear structure for sessions

You may already know what helps you, or you may still be working that out. Either is completely okay. We can notice together what feels useful as counselling progresses.

What Can We Explore?

Neurodivergent people come to counselling for many of the same reasons as anyone else. You may want support with anxiety, grief, relationships, work, family difficulties, identity or low self-esteem.

You may also wish to explore experiences such as:

• Feeling overwhelmed or emotionally exhausted

• Autistic burnout or ADHD burnout

• Sensory sensitivities

• Executive functioning difficulties

• Masking and the effect it has had on you

• Rejection sensitivity or fear of disappointing others

• Difficulties recognising or expressing emotions

• Feeling misunderstood in relationships

• Receiving a diagnosis later in life

• Questioning whether you may be neurodivergent

• Understanding your needs and setting boundaries

• Building a kinder relationship with yourself

You decide what feels important. Neurodivergence will not automatically be treated as the explanation for every difficulty in your life.

What If You Do Not Have a Diagnosis?

You are welcome whether you have a formal diagnosis, are waiting for an assessment, have chosen not to pursue one or are simply wondering whether neurodivergence may be part of your experience.

Counselling is not a diagnostic assessment, but it can provide space to talk about what you have noticed and what it means to you.

You will not be expected to prove that you are neurodivergent or arrive with everything clearly understood. We can begin with your lived experience and what is affecting you now.

Using the Language That Feels Right for You

People use different language when talking about neurodivergence. Some prefer identity-first language, such as "autistic person," while others may prefer person-first language, such as "person with autism."

I will respect and use the language that feels right for you.

There is also no single way to be autistic, have ADHD or experience any other form of neurodivergence. Your experience does not need to match someone else's before it deserves to be taken seriously.

A Collaborative Approach

Neurodiversity-affirming counselling is collaborative. You are the expert on your own life, even if you are still learning how to understand your needs.

My role is not to tell you who you should be. It is to listen, support you and help you explore what may allow you to live with greater understanding and self-acceptance.

We can acknowledge the genuine difficulties you face without treating your identity as a flaw. We can also explore changes or coping approaches without placing all the responsibility on you to adapt to environments that may not meet your needs.

Taking the First Step

You do not need to wait until you are completely overwhelmed before seeking support. You may know exactly what you would like help with, or you may only know that life has become harder to manage.

Both are valid places to begin.

I offer a free 15-minute online consultation, with no obligation to continue. This gives you an opportunity to ask questions, discuss anything that would help counselling feel more accessible and decide whether working together feels right for you.

Request a Free Consultation

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I Don't Know What to Talk About in Counselling — Can I Still Start?

Many people consider counselling because they know that something does not feel right, but they cannot clearly explain what it is.

You may be feeling anxious, low, overwhelmed or disconnected. Perhaps life looks fine from the outside, but you do not feel like yourself. You might have several things on your mind and be unsure which one matters most.

You may even worry that you will sit down for your first session and have nothing to say.

You can still start counselling. You do not need a clear explanation, a prepared story or a list of things to discuss.

Not Knowing Is a Valid Place to Begin

People do not always come to counselling with one identifiable problem.

Sometimes there has been a particular event or change. At other times, difficult feelings have developed gradually, and it can be hard to understand where they came from.

You may simply know that:

• You feel more tired, anxious or irritable than usual

• You are finding it difficult to cope with everyday demands

• Something feels missing or unsettled

• The same thoughts or situations keep troubling you

• You have been holding a lot inside

• You would like to understand yourself better

Any of these can be a starting point. You do not need to decide whether your difficulties are serious enough before reaching out.

You Do Not Have to Prepare a Speech

Counselling is not a presentation, and you will not be expected to explain your entire life during the first session.

Your thoughts may feel disorganised. You might begin talking about one thing and then realise that something else feels more important. You may remember details gradually or change your mind about what you want to explore.

That is all part of the process.

You can begin with a simple sentence such as:

• "I'm not really sure where to start."

• "I have been feeling overwhelmed lately."

• "Nothing terrible has happened, but I don't feel okay."

• "There are a few things going on, and I don't know which one to talk about."

• "I find it difficult to explain how I feel."

You can also tell me that you are nervous or worried about not knowing what to say. We can begin there.

What Happens If My Mind Goes Blank?

It is common for people to think about many things before a session and then suddenly feel blank when it begins.

This does not mean that you are wasting the session or doing counselling incorrectly. It may take time to settle, particularly if you are not used to having someone give you their full attention.

I can help by asking gentle questions about how things have been for you recently. We might begin with what brought you to counselling, what has felt difficult during the past week or what you hope might feel different in the future.

You are always free to say that you do not know, that a question feels difficult or that you need more time to think.

Silence Is Allowed

There may be quiet moments during counselling. Silence does not mean that the conversation has failed.

Sometimes you may be searching for the right words. At other times, you may be noticing a feeling or making sense of something you have just said.

You do not need to fill every pause. I will remain present with you, and we can take the time you need.

If silence feels uncomfortable, we can talk about that too. There is no correct way to respond.

I Will Not Expect You to Do All the Work Alone

Counselling is a collaborative process. You will not be left to carry the whole conversation without support.

My role is to listen carefully, notice what may be important and help you explore your thoughts and feelings without taking control of your story.

I may ask questions, reflect something I have heard or invite you to consider a situation in a different way. You remain in control of what you share and how quickly we move.

If you would find more structure helpful, you are welcome to say so. If you prefer more space to think and speak in your own time, we can work that way too.

What If I Find It Difficult to Talk About Myself?

Talking about yourself can feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable.

You may be used to focusing on other people's needs. Perhaps you minimise what you are going through, worry about being a burden or feel that other people have more serious problems.

You might also find it difficult to identify emotions or put your experiences into words. This can be particularly common when you have spent a long time hiding your feelings, masking or trying to cope alone.

You do not have to force yourself to disclose more than feels manageable. Trust can develop gradually, and you can take your time.

Your Goals Can Become Clearer Over Time

You do not need to know exactly what you want from counselling before you begin.

At first, your goal may simply be to have a private space where you can speak honestly. As we talk, you may begin to notice patterns, understand what has been affecting you or identify changes you would like to make.

Your reasons for attending counselling may also change over time. Something that seemed unimportant at the beginning may later feel more significant.

We can review what you need as the work develops. You are not committing yourself to one fixed subject or outcome.

There Is No Right Way to Start

You can arrive feeling prepared, uncertain, emotional, quiet or unsure. All of these are acceptable.

You do not need to make your experiences sound worse than they are, and you do not have to minimise them either. We can start with whatever feels most present for you—even if that is simply not knowing what to talk about.

The first step is not having everything figured out. It is allowing yourself a space in which you do not have to figure it out alone.

Taking the First Step

If you have been considering counselling but are unsure what you would say, you are welcome to get in touch.

I offer a free 15-minute online consultation, with no obligation to continue. You do not need to prepare anything beforehand. It is simply an opportunity for us to talk briefly about what has brought you here, answer any questions you may have and decide whether working together feels right for you.

Request a Free Consultation

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Neurodivergent Burnout: What to Look For and What May Help.

Feeling tired after a demanding day is something most people experience. Usually, rest allows your energy to return.

Neurodivergent burnout can feel different. You may be deeply exhausted, increasingly overwhelmed by everyday demands or unable to do things that would normally feel manageable. Rest may help, but a single quiet evening or good night's sleep may not feel like enough.

You might notice changes in your ability to communicate, make decisions, manage sensory input or look after yourself. Tasks that once felt straightforward may suddenly require much more energy.

This does not mean that you are failing or not trying hard enough. Burnout can be a sign that the demands being placed on you have exceeded the support, energy and recovery time available to you.

What Is Neurodivergent Burnout?

Neurodivergent burnout is a term sometimes used to describe a state of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion experienced by neurodivergent people.

Research has focused particularly on autistic burnout. Autistic adults involved in research have described prolonged exhaustion, reduced tolerance for sensory input and a temporary loss of access to skills or abilities. Burnout may develop when everyday demands remain out of balance with a person's needs and available support.

The term may also be used by some people with ADHD or other forms of neurodivergence when describing similar experiences of exhaustion and reduced capacity. However, neurodivergent burnout is not a formal medical diagnosis, and experiences can vary considerably.

You do not need to decide on the correct label before asking for help. What matters is recognising that something has changed and that you may need additional rest, support or adjustments.

What Can Contribute to Burnout?

Burnout does not usually come from one difficult day. It can develop gradually as demands and sources of stress accumulate.

Contributing factors may include:

• Regularly masking or hiding natural behaviours

• Coping with uncomfortable or overwhelming sensory environments

• Managing frequent changes, interruptions or uncertainty

• Navigating demanding social situations

• Trying to meet expectations that do not reflect your needs

• Working without sufficient breaks or recovery time

• Executive functioning demands, such as planning, organising and switching between tasks

• Suppressing stimming or other forms of self-regulation

• Feeling unable to ask for help or set boundaries

• Major changes in work, education, relationships or living circumstances

• A lack of understanding or appropriate support from others

You may appear to be coping from the outside while using an enormous amount of energy to do so. Sometimes burnout becomes visible only when it is no longer possible to maintain that level of effort.

What Are the Signs of Neurodivergent Burnout?

Burnout can look different for everyone. You may experience a sudden change, or you may notice your capacity reducing slowly over time.

Possible signs include:

• Persistent physical or mental exhaustion

• Finding everyday tasks more difficult than usual

• Increased sensitivity to noise, light, touch, smells or crowded environments

• Greater difficulty concentrating, planning or making decisions

• Needing more time to process information or respond

• Becoming less able to speak or communicate in your usual way

• Increased meltdowns, shutdowns or emotional overwhelm

• Withdrawing from social contact or needing more time alone

• Finding it harder to manage cooking, cleaning or personal care

• Feeling less able to tolerate unexpected changes

• Needing more routine, predictability or familiarity

• Temporarily losing access to skills that were previously available to you

• Feeling disconnected from yourself or unsure what you need

These experiences can overlap with depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties and physical health conditions. Burnout should not automatically be assumed to be the only explanation.

If exhaustion is persistent, worsening or affecting your everyday life, speaking with your GP can help rule out other causes and identify the support you may need.

Noticing the Earlier Warning Signs

It can be difficult to recognise burnout while it is developing, particularly if you have become used to pushing through tiredness or ignoring your own needs.

Your earlier signs may be subtle. You might notice that:

• Sounds or interruptions are becoming harder to tolerate

• You need longer to recover after work or social contact

• You are making more mistakes or forgetting things

• Tasks are taking much longer than usual

• You feel increasingly irritable, tearful or emotionally flat

• You are cancelling plans because you have no energy left

• You have less capacity for conversation or decision-making

• Your usual ways of resting no longer feel sufficient

Recognising these patterns is not about monitoring yourself perfectly. It is about becoming more aware of what your mind and body may be communicating.

What May Help During Burnout?

Recovery is unlikely to come from forcing yourself to become more productive. It may require reducing demands and allowing your capacity to rebuild gradually.

Reduce What You Can

Consider which responsibilities are essential and which might be delayed, simplified, shared or temporarily removed.

This could mean taking time away from work, reducing social commitments, asking for help with practical tasks or choosing easier meals. Small reductions can matter when your available energy is limited.

Make Rest More Accessible

Rest does not always mean sleep. It might involve spending time in a quiet room, engaging with a familiar interest, reducing communication or allowing yourself to do very little without needing to justify it.

The kind of rest you need may be different from what another person finds relaxing.

Reduce Sensory Demands

You may find it helpful to lower lighting, use headphones or ear defenders, wear comfortable clothing, limit unnecessary travel or spend time in a familiar environment.

Sensory needs can become more noticeable during burnout. Responding to them is not being difficult or overly sensitive.

Allow Natural Ways of Regulating

Where it feels safe, give yourself permission to move, fidget, stim, avoid eye contact or communicate in a way that requires less effort.

Reducing masking can free up energy, but it is important to recognise that unmasking may not feel safe in every environment. You decide what feels manageable and appropriate for you.

Ask for Specific Support

People may want to help but not know what you need. If possible, try to make requests clear and practical.

You might ask someone to:

• Prepare or bring you food

• Help with shopping or household tasks

• Communicate by text instead of calling

• Attend an appointment with you

• Reduce unnecessary questions or decisions

• Give you advance notice of changes

• Help explain your needs to work, college or family

You do not have to manage everything alone before you are considered deserving of support.

Can Burnout Be Prevented?

It may not always be possible to prevent burnout completely. Unexpected events, inaccessible environments and circumstances outside your control can all affect your capacity.

However, understanding your patterns may help you recognise difficulties earlier and reduce the risk of reaching complete exhaustion.

Helpful approaches may include:

• Planning recovery time after demanding activities

• Keeping track of what drains and restores your energy

• Taking breaks before you become completely overwhelmed

• Setting boundaries around work and social commitments

• Requesting reasonable adjustments where appropriate

• Creating predictable routines while allowing flexibility for low-energy days

• Reducing unnecessary masking when it feels safe

• Preparing simpler alternatives for meals, communication and daily tasks

• Paying attention to sensory needs

• Building relationships with people who respect your way of communicating and being

The aim is not to organise your life perfectly. It is to create a life that asks less of you than you can sustainably give.

Recovery Does Not Have a Fixed Timetable

Burnout may have developed over a long period, and recovery can also take time.

You may have days when your capacity begins to return and other days when you need more rest again. This does not mean that you are going backwards or recovering incorrectly.

Try to avoid measuring recovery only by how quickly you can return to your previous workload. It may be more helpful to notice whether you feel safer, more regulated and better able to recognise your needs.

Recovery can also involve making changes so that you are not returning to exactly the same conditions that contributed to burnout.

How Counselling May Help

Counselling cannot remove every external demand or inaccessible environment. However, it can provide a confidential space to explore what has been happening and how it has affected you.

We might explore:

• The pressures that have contributed to exhaustion

• Your personal warning signs

• Masking and the effect it has had on you

• Feelings of shame, guilt or frustration

• Boundaries and asking for support

• Ways to understand and communicate your needs

• What a more sustainable life might look like for you

There is no expectation to communicate perfectly or arrive with a clear explanation. Sessions can be adapted to support your processing, communication and sensory needs.

When to Seek Additional Help

Persistent exhaustion, reduced functioning and changes in mood can have several possible causes. Consider speaking with your GP if your symptoms are new, have continued for several weeks, are getting worse or are affecting your everyday life.

The HSE provides information about prolonged stress and when to seek professional support. It also lists support available to autistic people and their families in Ireland.

Seek urgent support if you feel unable to keep yourself safe. In Ireland, phone 112 or 999 or go to your nearest emergency department if there is an immediate risk of harm. You can also contact Samaritans free on 116 123, 24 hours a day. Further crisis-support information is available through the HSE urgent mental-health support service.

Taking the First Step

If you are feeling exhausted, overwhelmed or no longer able to keep pushing through, you do not need to wait until you have completely understood what is happening before seeking support.

I offer a free 15-minute online consultation with no obligation to continue. This gives you an opportunity to ask questions, discuss what you may need from counselling and decide whether working together feels right for you.

Request a Free Consultation

Sources and Further Information

• Defining Autistic Burnout—Raymaker et al.

• SpunOut: How to Cope With Autistic Burnout and Life Stress

• AsIAm: What Is Autism?

• AsIAm: Adult Support and Wellbeing

• HSE: Stress—Tips and Self-Help

• HSE: Support for Autistic People and Their Families

• HSE: Urgent Mental-Health Support

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What Does Self-Care Really Mean?

Self-care is a phrase we hear often. It may bring to mind relaxing baths, spa days, exercise routines or taking time away from responsibilities.

These things can be forms of self-care, but the meaning is much broader.

Self-care is about noticing what you need and responding to yourself with care. Sometimes that may feel comforting or enjoyable. At other times, it might involve setting a boundary, asking for help, attending an appointment or doing something practical that supports your wellbeing.

There is no single correct way to practise self-care. What helps one person may feel tiring, inaccessible or unhelpful to someone else.

Self-Care Is Not Something You Have to Earn

You do not need to complete everything on your list before you are allowed to rest.

Many people become used to placing their own needs behind work, family, relationships or other responsibilities. You may tell yourself that you will slow down when everything is finished, even though there is always something else that needs your attention.

Rest and care are not rewards for being productive. They are ordinary human needs.

Looking after yourself does not mean that you do not care about other people. It can allow you to recognise your limits and respond before you become completely exhausted.

Self-Care Can Be Practical

Self-care is not always relaxing. Sometimes it is simply doing something that makes the next part of your day more manageable.

This might include:

• Eating something when you notice you have not had a meal

• Drinking water

• Going to bed earlier

• Making or attending a medical appointment

• Preparing something you will need the following day

• Asking someone to help with a task

• Cancelling or rearranging a commitment

• Taking a break from news or social media

• Saying no when you do not have the capacity to say yes

• Spending some time without having to talk or respond to anyone

These actions may appear small, but small acts of care can still be meaningful.

Self-Care Can Take Different Forms

Your needs may change from one day to another. Self-care can involve different parts of your life.

Physical Self-Care

This might include rest, sleep, movement, nourishment or attending to a health concern.

Physical self-care does not need to involve a demanding exercise routine. It could be stretching, taking a short walk or allowing your body to be still.

Emotional Self-Care

Emotional self-care can involve giving yourself space to recognise what you are feeling without immediately judging or dismissing it.

You might write something down, speak with someone you trust, cry, listen to music or allow yourself to acknowledge that something has been difficult.

Social Self-Care

Sometimes self-care means connecting with another person. At other times, it means taking time away from social contact.

You may need company, reassurance or a conversation. You may instead need quiet, privacy or freedom from the expectation to respond.

Both can be valid.

Sensory Self-Care

Your environment can have a significant effect on how you feel.

Sensory self-care might involve lowering the lights, wearing comfortable clothes, using headphones, reducing background noise or moving to a space that feels less crowded.

For neurodivergent people, responding to sensory and processing needs can be an important part of self-care. There is no need to tolerate unnecessary discomfort simply because other people do not experience the environment in the same way.

Creative Self-Care

Creative activities can offer a way to slow down, express something or focus your attention differently.

This could involve photography, drawing, writing, music, gardening, cooking or making something with your hands. The aim does not have to be producing something impressive. The process itself may be what feels supportive.

For Me, Self-Care Can Look Like Photography

For me, photography is one form of self-care.

It gives me a reason to slow down and focus on the moment in front of me. I may begin to notice light passing through trees, the colour of new leaves, movement in water or details that I might otherwise walk past.

For that time, my attention is not on everything I need to do or what may happen next. It is on what is here now and how I might create something from it.

The photograph does not have to be perfect. Creating the image is only part of the experience. The act of stopping, observing and giving something my full attention can be just as meaningful.

Photography works for me, but your version of self-care may look completely different. What matters is not the activity itself. It is whether it gives you something you need—perhaps space, expression, enjoyment, connection or a chance to breathe.

Self-Care Should Not Become Another Demand

It is easy for self-care to become another task you feel you are failing to complete.

You may see advice telling you to exercise every day, prepare healthy meals, meditate, maintain relationships, sleep well and make time for hobbies. Even helpful suggestions can feel overwhelming when they become another list of expectations.

You do not need a perfect routine.

Self-care can be flexible. On one day, it might be going outside with your camera or meeting someone you care about. On another, it might be choosing the easiest available meal and going to bed.

You are allowed to adapt what you do to the energy and capacity you have today.

How Can I Recognise What I Need?

You may not always know what would help, particularly if you are used to ignoring your needs or focusing on other people.

It can be useful to pause and ask yourself:

• What am I noticing in my body?

• What is taking the most energy from me?

• Do I need connection or time alone?

• Is there something in my environment that is overwhelming me?

• Am I expecting too much from myself today?

• What could make the next hour slightly easier?

• Is there something I need help with?

You do not need to find the perfect answer. Sometimes identifying one small need is enough.

When Self-Care Does Not Feel Possible

There may be times when even simple acts of care feel difficult.

Low mood, anxiety, grief, burnout, executive functioning difficulties and physical illness can all affect your capacity. You may know what might help but still feel unable to begin.

This is not laziness or a lack of commitment to yourself.

Try to reduce the size of the task where possible. If preparing a full meal feels unmanageable, something simple is still worthwhile. If going for a walk feels too demanding, sitting near an open window may be enough. If you cannot explain everything you are experiencing, you can still tell someone that you are struggling.

Self-care can include allowing other people to support you.

Self-Care Is Not a Replacement for Support

Self-care may help you manage stress and support your general wellbeing, but it cannot resolve every difficulty.

Some situations require practical changes, professional support or help from the people around you. You should not be expected to manage an inaccessible environment, overwhelming workload or mental health difficulty entirely through individual coping strategies.

Consider speaking with your GP or a mental health professional if you are finding it difficult to cope, your wellbeing is affecting your everyday life or things have been getting worse.

How Counselling May Help

Counselling can provide space to explore what self-care means for you rather than giving you another standard to meet.

We might explore:

• What has made it difficult to recognise your needs

• Feelings of guilt about resting or saying no

• Patterns of placing yourself last

• Boundaries in work and relationships

• Sensory or emotional needs

• What restores your energy and what drains it

• Developing a kinder relationship with yourself

There is no expectation that you should already know what you need. We can begin by noticing what has been happening and what might make life feel more manageable.

Taking the First Step

Self-care does not need to be expensive, impressive or perfectly planned. It may be something quiet and ordinary that helps you return your attention to yourself.

For me, that can be photography: slowing down, noticing the moment and creating something from it.

For you, it may be something entirely different.

Sources and Further Information

• HSE: Minding Your Wellbeing Programme

• HSE: Self-Help Guides for Your Mental Health

• HSE: Stress—Tips and Self-Help

• Mental Health Ireland: The Five Ways to Wellbeing

  
  

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